Insults

• You're the reason our kids are so ugly.
• The covers of this book are too far apart.
• He has all the virtues I dislike, and none of the vices I admire.
  -- Winston Churchill
• This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
  - Dorothy Parker, book review
• The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech
  -- George Bernard Shaw
• `I'd insult you, but you're not bright enough to notice.
• I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
• May the Fleas of a Thousand Camels infest one of your Erogenous Zones.
• May you get the winning lottery ticket and a hole in your pocket.
• May you have eyes like a hawk and a spouse with warts.
• May you learn the secret of life in every dream, then forget it each time you awaken.
• May you live in uninteresting times.
• May you make a poor man richer: your doctor.
• May you make a widow and orphans happy -- your own.
• May your children be so famous every policeman knows them.
• May your clock run slow, your heart fast, your bile over, your wife away, your nose always.
• May your daughters' hair grow thick, black, and abundant -- all over their faces.
• May your possessions never tempt another to steal.
• Your mind is a one bit processor with parity error
• Here's a red box, go call someone who cares (Dedrick T.S.L.)
• The difference between this company and a cactus plant is that the plant has pricks on the outside.
• The hotel of your mind has many vacancies (Animaniacs)
• There are only two things I dislike about her - her face.

Also check out Comebacks, and these great Shakespearean insults.

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Last Modified: Septmember 9th, 2007