In Germany, Gunther Burpus remained wedged in his front-door
cat flap for two days because passers-by thought he was a piece
of installation art. Mr Burpus, 41, of Bremen, was using the flap
because he had mislaid his keys. Unfortunately he was spotted
by a group of student pranksters who removed his trousers and
pants, painted his bottom bright blue, stuck a daffodil between
his buttocks and erected a sign saying 'Germany Resurgent, an
Essay in Street Art. Please give Generously'. Passers-by assumed
Mr Burpus' screams were part of the act and it was only when an
old woman complained to the police that he was finally freed.
"I kept calling for help," he said, "but people
just said 'Very good! Very clever!' and threw coins at me."
"But where I allow feelings to influence my aims, when it comes to deciding the best method of achieving them I'd rather think than feel. And thinking, here, means scientific thinking. No more effective method exists. If it did, science would incorporate it. " - Richard Dawkins
"Buy land. They've stopped making it."
-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
"Batman is the hero any of us could be, given determination,
exercise, and deep psychological trauma."
-- Chris Jarocha-Ernst
"...cops and reporters are much alike. Both are absolutely
dedicated to doing the job at hand, regardless of obstacles. And
both, deep down, really believe the rules don't apply to them".
-- Jim Barlow, Houston Chronicle
Churchill was given to reading in the bathtub and, while staying at the White House, he once became so engrossed in an account of the Battle of Fonteney that he forgot President Roosevelt was due to drop by to discuss the upcoming conference in Yalta. At the appointed hour, the President was wheeled into Churchill's quarters only to be informed that the Prime Minister had not finished bathing. Roosevelt was about to apologize for the intrusion and depart when Churchill, puffing his customary cigar, strode into the room stark naked and greeted the nonplussed world leader with a terse, "What are you staring at, homo?"
Anti-Sabbatical: A job taken with the sole intention of staying
only for a limited period of time (often one year). The intention
is to raise enough funds to partake in another, more personally
meaningful activity such as watercolor sketching in Crete or designing
computer knit sweaters in Hong Kong. Employers are rarely informed
of intentions.
-- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
-- Van Roy
18 Apr 1988
Two thieves, ages 6 and 8, with mustaches painted on with magic
markers, stole a car last week in Florida. When confronted by
a policeman, they shifted into "R" (which they thought
was "Race") and promptly backed across a road and into
a brick wall.
-- National Public Radio
"Whatever you do, don't cross the streams."
"Why?"
"It would be bad."
"Wait a minute, I'm a little fuzzy on this whole good/bad
issue."
"Imagine life as you know it ending and every molecule in
your body exploding at the speed of light."
"Okay"
"That's bad."
"Thanks, Egon. Important safety tip."
-- Ghost Busters
"Waiter, there's no fly in my soup!"
-- Kermit the frog
"Today I met with a subliminal advertising executive for
just a second."
-- Steve Wright
"Today I...........No, that wasn't me."
-- Steve Wright
"Today I dialed a wrong number. The other side said, 'Hello?'
and I said, 'Hello, could I speak to Joey?' They said,' Uh, I
don't think so...He's only two months old.' I said, 'I'll wait...'"
-- Steve Wright
A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of
the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said,
"Wish you were here."
-- Steven Wright
A jury consists of 12 persons chosen to decide who has the
better lawyer.
-- Robert Frost
A penny for your thoughts; $20 to act it out.
Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.
Sects! Sects! Sects! Is that all Monks think about?
Support your local police force -- steal!!
Drink Canada Dry! You might not succeed, but it *is* fun trying.
Precinct toilet stolen - police have nothing to go on.
Speak softly and wear a loud shirt.
Support your local medical examiner - die strangely.
If Jesus was Jewish, why did he have a Mexican name?
I used to belong to a solipsism club, but I got bored and voted everyone else out.
American Non Sequitur Society - we don't make sense, but we do like pizza.
But, Officer, I stopped for the last one, and it was green!
I cried for the man who had no hair until I met the man who had no head.
Don't hate yourself in the morning - sleep till noon.
I'll try anything once, twice if I like it, three times to make sure!
When in doubt, set and turn.
Time is a great teacher, but it kills all its pupils.
I didn't claw my way to the top of the food chain to eat vegatables!
My economic philosophy is middle of the road. I spend money left and right.
No matter what other nations may say about the United States, immigration is still the sincerest form of flattery.
Somebody ought to cross ball point pens with coat hangers so that the pens will multiply instead of disappear.
There is no indigestion worse than that which comes from having to eat your own words.
There is no substitute for good manners, except, perhaps, fast reflexes.
Who gossips to you will gossip of you.
"Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company."
-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
"Children today are tyrants. They contradict their parents,
gobble their food, and tyrannize their teachers."
-- Socrates (470?-399 B.C.)
"Creation science" has not entered the curriculum
for a reason so simple and so basic that we often forget to mention
it: because it is false, and because good teachers understand
exactly why it is false. What could be more destructive of that
most fragile yet most precious commodity in our entire intellectually
heritage -- good teaching -- than a bill forcing honorable teachers
to sully their sacred trust by granting equal treatment to a doctrine
not only known to be false, but calculated to undermine any general
understanding of science as an enterprise?
-- Stephen Jay Gould, "The Skeptical Inquirer",
Vol. 12, page 186
People with bad consciences always fear the judgement of children.
- Mary McCarthy
"Carefully study these two enlarged photographs on display, Mr. Rafferty," the attorney for a politician suing a newspaper for libel instructed his client on the witness stand, "and indicate which is your ass and which is a hole in the ground."
I finally discoverd, at the age of twenty-one, what all of
my friends had found out at twelve or thirteen: that your parents
are just as fucked-up and weird as everybody else.
--- The movie "Twenty-One"
Dancing is the loftiest, the most moving, the most beautiful
of the arts, because it is no mere translation or abstraction
from life; it is life itself.
--- Havelock Ellis
If all the economists in the world were laid end to end, they'd point in different directions.
People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because its easier to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.
Last Modified: May 5th, 1998
Patri Friedman / patri@izzy.com