Drugs & Alcohol

If god had wanted us to smoke pot, he would have made it naturally occuring, plentiful, and easy to grow.

I really want to clean up, so I can feel the rush again.
-- Simon Funk's dad.

"Hey! Who took the cork off my lunch??!"
-- W. C. Fields

Once ... in the wilds of Afghanistan, I lost my corkscrew, and we were
forced to live on nothing but food and water for days.
-- W. C. Fields, "My Little Chickadee"

"Every now and then when your life gets complicated and the weasels start closing in, the only real cure is to load up on heinous chemicals and then drive like a bastard from Hollywood to Las Vegas."
-- Dr. Hunter S. Thompson

Lady Astor was giving a costume ball and Winston Churchill asked her what disguise she would recommend for him. She said, "Why don't you come sober, Mr. Prime Minister?"

Annual drug deaths: tobacco: 395,000, alcohol: 125,000, 'legal' drugs: 38,000, illegal drug overdoses: 5,200, marijuana: 0. Considering government subsidies of tobacco, just what is our government protecting us from in the drug war?
-- William A. Turnbow

"Young black males in California are now five times as likely to go to prison as to a state university...In their obsession to control drug use by making war on it, Federal and state legislators have turned the world's greatest democracy into its largest prison system, where young adults are warehoused and the opportunity to treat them is wasted..."
New York Times editorial (March, 1999)

An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.
-- Dylan Thomas (1914-1953)

Alpenglow: Feeling of contentment and inner warmth induced by liberal doses of medicinal brandy.
-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982

... And malt does more than Milton can
To justify God's ways to man
-- A. E. Housman

"Water? Never touch the stuff! Fish fuck in it."
-- W. C. Fields

"Want some pretzels?"
"No thanks, we're on duty. A couple beers would be nice, though."
-- The Simpsons

Festivity Level 1: Your guests are chatting amiably with each other, admiring your Christmas-tree ornaments, singing carols around the upright piano, sipping at their drinks and nibbling hors d'oeuvres.
Festivity Level 2: Your guests are talking loudly -- sometimes to each other, and sometimes to nobody at all, rearranging your Christmas-tree ornaments, singing "I Gotta Be Me" around the upright piano, gulping their drinks and wolfing down hors d'oeuvres.
Festivity Level 3: Your guests are arguing violently with inanimate objects, singing "I can't get no satisfaction," gulping down other peoples' drinks, wolfing down Christmas tree ornaments and placing hors d'oeuvres in the upright piano to see what happens when the little hammers strike.
Festivity Level 4: Your guests, hors d'oeuvres smeared all over their naked bodies are performing a ritual dance around the burning Christmas tree. The piano is missing.
You want to keep your party somewhere around level 3, unless you rent your home and own Firearms, in which case you can go to level 4. The best way to get to level 3 is egg-nog.

"...The renewed shock had nearly made him spill his drink. He drained it quickly before anything serious happened to it. He then had another quick one to follow the first one down and check that it was all right. He then sent a third drink down to see why the second hadn't yet reported on the condition of the first. He poured another drink down with the plan that it would head the previous one off at the pass, join forces with it, and together they would get the second to pull itself together. Then all three would go off in search of the first, give it a good talking to.
He felt uncertain as to whether the fourth drink had understood all that so he sent down a fifth to explain the plan more fully and a sixth for moral support."
-- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"

Excellent day for drinking heavily. Spike office water cooler.

Acid -- better living through chemistry.

Drugs may be the road to nowhere, but at least they're the scenic route!

I'm not as think as you stoned I am.

LSD melts in your mind, not in your hands.

You're not really drunk if you can lie on the floor without hanging on.

I used to have a drug problem, but now I have enough money.

I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs, and insanity for everyone, but it works for me.

It isn't a war on drugs, its a war on people.

Spend extra time on hobby. Get plenty of rolling papers.

I'm sick and depraved - please feed me drugs and cookies.

I'm a hallucinogenic toad. Lick me all over.

Jailing someone to keep them from ruining their life with drugs is like burning a village to save it.

Coffee makes it possible to get out of bed, chocolate makes it worthwhile.

I am under the influence of sugar, caffeine, and lack of sleep, and should not be held responsible for my behavior.

Sleep is great, but its no substitute for caffeine.

"I wish I'd drunk more champagne."
-- last words of Lord John Maynard Keynes

"One more drink and I would have been under the host."
-- Dorothy Parker (1893-1967)

"We've had a realistic drug policy for 20 years in the Netherlands, and we know what works. We distinguish between 'soft' and 'hard' drugs, between traffickers and users. We try not to make people into criminals. But what'll it take to convince the other countries about the high cost of repression? Especially America. Will we have to teach Clinton to inhale, or what? I'd never want to raise my kids in America, with those morality crazies. They probably think we're all perverts. I think *they* are the perverts."
-- Attorney Mario Lap, Dutch national drug policy advisor


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Last Modified: 10/2003

Patri Friedman / patri@izzy.com