I have also begun to understand a bit better some of the things old people say. Old people always have a funny perspective on things, but often there is a great deal of wisdom in it, because they have been through life, and know what they did wrong. I understand why, when questioning you about something (school, job, wife), they don't ask for irrelevant details, they simply say "Does it make you happy?" Why they are never surprised when someone who had been in an abstract profession and switches to one in which they create something solid are suddenly fulfilled. Why they love children so much. Why they find so much to criticize, but can be so forgiving of mistakes. Listen to old people, for they possess wisdom that they cannot use, and only by passing it down can it do any good.

Here is something else I have learned. Now, this isn't something I have yet learned to act on perfectly, but do as I say, not as I do...

Simple Truth: You shouldn't say something unless you want the people listening to hear it. This should be pretty obvious. Speaking is communication, communication is pointless unless there is a reason for it to be received, otherwise you might as well talk to a wall. There are exceptions to this ("talking something out" in order to clarify your thoughts), but they are few.

Simple Truth: If you are not being selfish, or trying to hurt people, but having a co-operative conversation, then you only want people to hear things that interest them, or that give them useful information, or in some way make them happy.

Result, The First Principle of Conversation: Don't say something unless your listeners want to hear it.

This principle, you will find, is violated constantly in life, by ourselves and those around us. People are always saying things without ever stopping to consider whether their listener gives a flying fuck. They operate in conversations based on their own desires to make things known. This is not a strategy that maximizes the value of conversations. It is natural for us to want to tell other people things about ourselves, especially if those things make us seem cooler or neater or whatever. And often its ok to tell stories about yourself, because listening to stories about other people can be fun. But discretion needs to be exercised.

People who are particularly bad at violating this principle are known as "Bores". People who follow this principle too strongly, saying whatever their listeners want to hear, are known as "Politicians." Both extremes are bad. Say true things, but only say them if you think there is use to doing so. Many people are better at this in one-on-one conversations, because in groups they have a tendency to just think "well, *someone* will enjoy this anecdote" and then toss it out there. Try to actually identify a few someones.

This can all be difficult to do, because it doesn't come naturally to most of us. You will find yourself (or at least I do) constantly wanting to say things just cuz you want them said, and will like saying them, and maybe they'll do something good. But you should learn to overcome that. Mastering it is an important social grace, which will make those around you happier, and will make people happier to have you around. Win back control of your speech from your instincts, and use conversation to accomplish objectives, not just for self-gratification.

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